


Generations

by Nynaeve



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Family, Future, Romance, Time Travel, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 03:29:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/629872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nynaeve/pseuds/Nynaeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mysterious device sends Kathryn and Chakotay through time. As they witness the future, they find themselves dealing with the difficult truths of the present. Written for VAMB Secret Santa 2012</p>
            </blockquote>





	Generations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lauawill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauawill/gifts).



> Written for lauawill for the VAMB Secret Santa 2012. Thank you to quantumsilver for her great beta reading skills. Read, review, but as always and to the utmost my dear readers, enjoy!

"It shows you future possibilities?" Kathryn's doubt was evident as she studied the table and console in the middle of the temple, her hands conspicuously held behind her back as she followed the priest. Chakotay stood off to the side with an amused expression and when he chuckled, she gave him a slight roll of the eyes from behind her tall and lanky host. He had to have known how it was killing her to keep from running a finger along the smooth surface. The priest turned towards her.

"Not possibilities, Captain," he corrected. "It will show you your future."

"You'll forgive me for being skeptical. The future is made up of so many variables, not to mention there's the multiverse to consider," she challenged. Kathryn didn't dare look up at Chakotay after that statement. She was incorrigible when it came to scientific fact, in contrast her first officer who was more than happy to diplomatically keep his opinions to himself.

The priest's nose twitched. "You can be as skeptical as you'd like. That doesn't change the truth about what it does."

"You know, the Doctor did mention that the Temparii have a unique physical makeup that includes chroniton particles," Chakotay reminded her.

"So I recall. I didn't think much on it at the time, but if this does what it claims to do…" She felt a thrill of excitement course through her body as she put together a hypothesis in her head. "Maybe their physiology allows them to interact with the time-space continuum in an entirely unique way."

"As I said, the device shows us our future," the alien cleric reiterated. "There are limitations, naturally. It can't show you someone else's future and it can't show us the outcome to every path our lives may take."

Kathryn crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you mean?"

"There are some things that are fixed points. They must always happen. You spoke of the multiverse; each decision point diverges and we travel along one path while another version of ourselves travels along the opposite." The priest tapped on the console in front of him and a web appeared with lines connecting various dots, some larger and some smaller. "There are times, however, when we have only one choice. We may believe that there are options, but in every single permutation of reality in which that moment occurs, you make the same decision every time. Or, for some choices there is a single outcome regardless of the path taken. These are fixed points. It is theorized that you cannot alter them."

"You said this was a right of passage among your people?" Chakotay stepped forward to examine the web in more detail.

"It is. You are shown one fixed point in your life."

"Why only one?" Kathryn glanced over at the cleric who was still working on his console.

"That's all it will do. One peek into your future and after that the device ceases to work for that individual. Our scientists have been at it for centuries, but as of yet they have been unsuccessful as to determining how or why." The web blinked out and the priest once again addressed his guests. "It tends to have a sobering affect on our people."

"What do most people see?" Kathryn's mind reeled with possibilities. "Would it work on a human?"

"Captain," her first officer interrupted. "What are you thinking?"

"Wouldn't you want to know, Chakotay?" Her expression lit up. "If you could see the future, even one point, who knows how that might affect you?"

He motioned for her to join him out of earshot of the priest. She obliged him and he gave her a concerned look. "It's built for alien physiology. I don't think it's wise to go tampering with it. Besides, part of the beauty of being human is free will, or at least the illusion of it anyway."

"I'm only asking." Kathryn put her hands on her hips. "I'm not going to do anything to put myself in danger."

"And yet it generally finds you." A grin tugged at the edge of his lips and she couldn't help but to reflect it.

She held up her hands in mock concession. "I'll get some readings, that's all. I promise."

The priest met them as they neared the bed. "The device may work with your species, Captain, but I have no guarantees. I certainly cannot speak to the risks."

"It's all right, it's probably better if I merely observe. May I take some readings?" She showed him her tricorder. "Perhaps we can gain some of our own insight."

"By all means. Greater faith comes by greater understanding," he agreed.

Kathryn flipped open her tricorder and began to scan the device from various angles. The power readings fluctuated wildly and she struggled to get a clearer image of how exactly the internal mechanism worked. Time travel was beyond her comprehension even if she had done it inadvertently a few times and she wished she had more than a rudimentary understanding of the theories surrounding it. As far as she could tell, the device was a version of a medical biobed. There were nodes at the head, for connecting to the brain no doubt, and sensors that traveled all the way down to the feet.

"Are there schematics for the device?" She rounded to where the console was and continued her scan.

"In the archives," the priest answered.

As she was completing her analysis, she missed an uneven tile on the floor. The toe of her boot caught in the crevice and she began to fall forward. Putting out her arms to brace herself, her hand with the tricorder hit the console, cracking the glass. A jolt of power shot out.

"Kathryn!" Chakotay shouted and he moved without thinking, with the unattainable goal of shoving her clear. Instead the power surged from the console, through Kathryn, and directly into him.

She felt an enormous pain shoot through her. Her muscles all seemed to spasm at once and she couldn't even form the sound of the scream that she desperately wanted to make. Once the energy had pushed through her and through Chakotay, it released her and she hit the ground hard, darkness claiming her.

***

The aroma of pine was the first indication to Kathryn that she was no longer in the temple. She blinked. Then she blinked again. She was standing; that was good news, and she felt like she was intact, so where the hell was she? There was an eerie familiarity to her surroundings. She rotated around, taking in the setting, a living room dressed for an Earth holiday, with her gaze settling on the fireplace. This was her childhood home, although the decor wasn't quite right.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay was rubbing his temple, his eyes squinted as he took in the light from the tree in the corner.

"Give yourself a minute, you'll adjust," she assured him. She was drawn towards the crackling fire and she reached out so she could trace the wooden design on the mantle, which was adorned with red bows. To her shock, her hand passed through the solid wood. She pulled back and repeated her actions with the same result. Observing was all she was going to be able to do. Two stockings hung down and there were hooks for three more; visitors were expected for the evening festivities no doubt. Kathryn contemplated the twirls over which her fingertips hovered. It was the small details that she missed, the bits that her mind glossed over. "We're in Indiana."

"We're on Earth?"

She threw her gaze over her shoulder. "Probably not on Earth, but a replica. This is my childhood home, so wherever we are, it's built from a construct of my own mind."

"It's not exactly what I would have imagined," Chakotay noted, having recovered from whatever had transferred them to this place. "Looks like it's a celebration of sorts."

"It's Christmas," she explained, turning to point out the various decorations. "That's the Christmas tree where gifts are placed. That's garland on the banister, and over there near the kitchen is mistletoe. I grew up a Traditionalist and Christmas was always my favorite holiday." Her wistful tone betrayed her inner sorrow.

He raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think you were much for your roots with how keen you are on modern technology."

"It's been a long time since I celebrated," she admitted. The memory of the first Christmas after her father had died bubbled up, unbidden. Gretchen had made a noble effort but after Edward's death, and with Kathryn having thrown herself into Starfleet, the long-standing practices of her family had faded into shadows of its former glory. This room, though, was filled with happiness and warmth. It reminded her of her Christmases before the accident, of when it mattered to her to be home for the sacred holiday. "I thought the device was supposed to send us to the future, but this looks more like my past."

Chakotay didn't answer right away. He'd gotten distracted by the photographs that were lining the nearby wall. She started towards him, but voices made her pause.

"We're going to be late!" It was a woman, an older woman, and Kathryn thought it sounded suspiciously like her grandmother.

"I don't know if they can see us or not, so maybe just to be safe, we ought to take cover?" Chakotay whispered and she nodded in agreement. They passed through the door of a closet under the steps and they peered out through a small crack.

"We're always late," answered a male in a teasing tone. "I'm starting to think Father Peter waits until five after midnight because he's planning on it."

Kathryn's knees went weak as soon as the figures came into view. They were standing in front of the tree as they slipped on their jackets. From her vantage point, she could see the tattoo on the man's brow and her stomach flipped on itself.

"We have to wait for Ed and Mel to get here anyway. I have something I want to give Ed tonight since he's shipping out soon." The elderly Kathryn Janeway gave her companion an adoring smile as she smoothed out the lapels of his jacket. "I have to say, you always look so handsome by the glow of the candles."

"You've discovered the secret reason why I go," he replied, leaning forward to kiss her briefly. He touched the top of his head. "Oh, I left my hat in the other closet."

He moved in the direction of where Chakotay and Kathryn were hiding just as the front door chimed. That didn't deter the older Chakotay from his goal and he opened the closet. Realizing they couldn't be seen when he reached for his hat, Kathryn ducked out into the room. Her heart was skipping beats and she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with what she had seen. Unfortunately, her gaze fell on the new arrivals and she stopped dead. There was a man that looked to be about forty and he was the spitting image of Kathryn's deceased father. The little girl beside him had long, red, unruly hair, and  _Voyager_ 's captain couldn't breathe.

"This has to be a joke," she managed to get out. The room began to cave in on her. Fire filled her veins and it settled in her gut. It was as though the device was jolting her again and she doubled over. Out of the corner of her eye she saw it happening to Chakotay too and she hit the floor. This time, she found enough of a voice to scream.

***

The Doctor stood up next to the unconscious captain, shutting his medical tricorder with a snap. "This entire place is flooded with chroniton particles with a large concentration around the captain and commander."

Tuvok frowned. "Do we know what is wrong?"

"I don't even know what happened." He turned to the priest who had been pacing in the corner. "You said the device attacked them?"

"No, no. Captain Janeway was scanning the device and she fell forward. The exposed circuitry must have reacted with her scanning tool and it shocked her. Commander Chakotay was trying to save her, but unfortunately became trapped himself." The Temparii clenched his robes in his fist. "Nothing like this has ever happened."

The EMH let out an irritated sigh. Of course nothing like this had ever happened, that was a recurring theme with his crew. There were days when he would have given his mobile emitter to guarantee nothing but the Ankaran flu for the remainder of their journey. "I'm detecting significant neural activity. Am I correct in assuming that the device interfaces with the brain?"

"Yes. It sends their consciousness to the future."

"The future. I see. I guess this wasn't in your crystal ball."

Clearing his throat, Tuvok drew the Doctor's attention. "I believe he is attempting to be as helpful as possible. Perhaps diplomacy would be more effective for gathering information."

"You're right, my apologies," the EMH quipped with a noted lack of sincerity. "I'll need equipment from  _Voyager_  as I don't think it's wise to move them back to the ship without knowing how their brains are interacting with the device. Their life signs are stable for the most part and I can't detect any evidence of neural damage or any serious injuries sustained past their unconscious state."

"Very well," the Vulcan said. "I will have Seven of Nine gather whatever you need. The Borg have some understanding of chroniton emissions, she may be able to assist with the nonmedical aspects of this issue. I will also assign a team to research the archives."

The Doctor nodded tersely. He didn't like this situation one bit.

***

"Are you all right?" Chakotay put a hand on Kathryn's back to steady her. "Kathryn?"

"I'm fine. I think," she answered, giving her head a shake. She looked up at him and noticed a drop of blood under his nose. "You're bleeding."

He touched the drop and eyed his fingertip. "You are too." She mirrored his motions and discovered blood as well.

"This can't be good." Upon her initial assessment they were still in her Indiana childhood home although it was different from what they had seen previously. A Christmas tree now stood closer to the entryway and the pictures had all been changed. It was as though someone else entirely had moved in. Kathryn scrutinized the faces and to her consternation, discovered that there were more than a few that bore a remarkable resemblance to either her or Chakotay. One or two even had Chakotay's tribal tattoo. There was one photograph of her, evidently an admiral, and another of both her and Chakotay in what she presumed was a wedding photo, as she was in a tea length cream dress that she couldn't imagine wearing for any other occasion.

"The device wasn't made for humans," Chakotay mused. "It may very well be that we're having an adverse reaction to it."

"Which makes it all the more vital that we figure this out." She tore herself away from the disconcerting pictures so that she could focus on the issue at hand. "So if this is an elaborate dream, how do we get out of here?"

"Jump from a tall building?"

"That would be as good a plan as any, although in these rural parts, the worst you could do is break a leg leaping from the top of a barn." She pursed her lips as she worked to see the situation from different angles.

"Maybe it's just the sensation of falling." Chakotay shrugged. "Too bad we don't have phasers, we could shoot each other."

She pinched her nose as a pain stabbed her right behind her eyes. "The scenario has to end at some point."

"Then we wait it out and hope for the best?" Her first officer took in the room. "Not too different from last time. The walls are a different color and there appears to be more technology."

"My mother would roll over…" Kathryn stopped herself. The thought of her mother dead was something she didn't want to dwell on. The possibility that she was looking at a world in which she, herself, was deceased was also a fact that she would rather not look too closely at. "My parents built this house. My mother grew up Traditionalist and loved the connection with history."

Chakotay passed his hand through a floral arrangement on a side table. "And your father?"

"My father loved her," she replied, her tone soft. She thought of the elderly Chakotay dressing for midnight mass. It wasn't his tradition, but he'd been besotted with the woman who desired so deeply to honor it. Kathryn couldn't bring herself to meet Chakotay's eyes. She didn't dare witness what she knew she would find in his expression. The back door in the kitchen saved her from stark naked honesty.

"I told you we needed to get the turkey yesterday." The female voice was gravelly and Kathryn was drawn to the scene of an elderly woman putting large cloth bags on the counter. An older gentleman shuffled in behind her with more bags.

"Oh, Mellie, my cousin said he saved the fattest one for us."

"That must be Ed from before," Chakotay noted.

"I would have liked to have taken a look at all of them. Made my own decision." Mellie started rummaging through the sacks. "Where are the yams?"

Ed peered into the bag nearest him. "In here. In here." His wife looked like she was about to comment when the front door opened. Kathryn turned around and froze on the spot. A woman around Kathryn's age had walked in, and she had long, auburn hair, neatly wrapped on the top of her head.

"That's your hair if I ever saw it." Chakotay was as taken aback by the resemblance to his captain as Kathryn was.

"That bun. It's so…" she grimaced. "Tight."

"I always liked it down myself."

She frowned at him. "Starfleet has regulations and I didn't want to cut it at the time."

"I'm sure your hairstyles are on the list of things the admiralty would like to address when we get home. Right after they finish discussing why you made a rebel Maquis captain your first officer."

Kathryn shot him a withering glare before heading towards the woman who was taking off her winter jacket. She was in uniform, Starfleet, and her pips indicated she was a captain. Pride coursed through Kathryn as she admired the woman who had taken to the family legacy.

"Mom! It's me! Ellie!" She started towards the kitchen and went straight through Kathryn. She paused and pivoted around, her brows knit in moderate confusion. "That was weird."

"You're telling me," Kathryn murmured. She felt a chill go up her spine.

"What's weird, sweetheart?" Mellie asked as she ambled to where her daughter stood.

The future Starfleet captain shook her head. "Nothing. It's just… sometimes Nana's spirit seems to be here."

"She always did inspire you." Mellie brushed an errant strand of hair away from her daughter's face. "I shouldn't tell you this, but your father decided to pass  _it_  on to you," she told her in a low tone.

Ellie gasped. "Nana's watch?" Her mother winked in confirmation.

"Do you think she sensed you?" Chakotay suggested, pulling Kathryn from her scrutiny of her granddaughter.

"Maybe." Kathryn fought her private fascination with the scene that had unfolded. Inside her was a pang of regret. The week she shipped out to  _Voyager_ , she and Mark had discussed the idea of starting a family. That's all it had ever amounted to, an idea. She inhaled and rerouted her mutinous thoughts towards a more useful end. "Maybe there's a way to interact with her."

She was about to test her hypothesis when the pain returned. It was sudden and she choked as she let out strangled shouts. This time it felt as though she were being stretched in a thousand directions and when it ceased, she welcomed the bliss of unconsciousness.

***

Seven of Nine brought up the vitals for  _Voyager'_ s two senior-most officers. Captain Janeway was on the table with the commander on a cot by her side. Thus far, there had been no change in their vital signs except for a single spike in the neural readings that was accompanied by a minor nosebleed. She filed it away in case it was repeated, as she could not yet ascertain its significance. All attempts to interface with the device, and perhaps to interface with the command team, had been unsuccessful.

"Do you believe what the priest says about the device?" Seven asked as she continued to peruse the data.

"You mean do I think it shows people the future?" The EMH snorted. "Unlikely." He paused and glanced at his companion. "Why? Do you think it does?"

"I do not know. There are many signs that are generally consistent with time travel. Neutrinos and chroniton particles in high amounts, for example. However, the captain and commander remain present with us," she reported.

The console chirped. Another surge was beginning. That, however, didn't surprise her nearly as much as the fact that the captain and commander flickered as though they were stuck in a transport beam that couldn't get a strong lock. Working as quickly as she could, she searched for the source and a means to block whoever or whatever was trying to grab them. After a few moments, the captain and commander solidified.

"What just happened?" the Doctor exclaimed.

"It appears as though something or someone was attempting a transport," Seven replied. "From where, I do not know. The data is insufficient."

The Doctor ran a tricorder over Captain Janeway. "There are more."

"More what?"

"More chroniton particles. Perhaps the question isn't where the beam is coming from, but from when."

***

It was loud. That was Kathryn's first coherent thought as she came to. Her second thought was that the floor was hard. There were voices chattering and music playing and it was exacerbating her headache. She touched her nose as she stood and was concerned to find blood again. Whatever was happening it was getting worse and she was no closer to coming up with a solution to get them back home. The room came into focus and she was unnerved by the sheer number of people crammed into the first floor of the Indiana farmhouse. Nothing looked familiar except for the structure. One of the walls had picture frames with the photographs rotating out. A few resembled family that she recalled from her own time, but barely. The connecting feature was Chakotay's tattoo on a smattering of faces.

"Kathryn?"

She scanned the room for the voice that had shouted her name. She spotted his red shoulders behind a man in a garish green and crimson sweater and moved towards him. She was passing through people but it felt like she was hitting resistance. A few people appeared to give pause.

"How's your head?" She put a hand on his shoulder and got close to his ear.

"Pounding! This noise isn't helping," he answered, wincing with each thump from the music. "This is some party."

She grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the back hall. Thankfully it was mostly empty except for those heading to the bathroom. The din was muted, at least enough so that she could think straight. "Did you have another nosebleed?"

"Yes. You?"

When she nodded, he sighed and she knew what he was thinking. First nosebleeds, now headaches, not to mention the loss of consciousness. This was getting dangerous.

"Those are funny clothes." The childish timbre made Kathryn spin around. A girl, no more than six years of age, was standing in the doorway looking at her. "My daddy has that on his face too."

"You can see us?" Chakotay asked, slowly approaching the girl and crouching down to her level. "My friend and myself?"

"Am I not supposed to see you? Are you playing hide and seek?"

Kathryn softened her expression. "No, we're just surprised. We didn't think anyone noticed us arrive."

"I'm Sekaya."

"That's a lovely name," Chakotay replied and Kathryn's ease faltered. The barest hints of Chakotay were there, diluted by multiple unions and all the diversity such genetics introduced, but in the jaw line, she saw it. "Can you tell me the year?"

Sekaya put a finger to her cheek. "Um. Um. Twenty-eight… Twenty-eight…" She shook her head. "I don't remember the rest."

"This is five hundred years in the future." Kathryn stood up and paced down the hall. "Five hundred years!" The number seemed entirely unfathomable to her. She was five hundred years into her future, courtesy of a device that was designed to show her fixed points in her own life. "How is this relevant? How is  _this_  a profound fixed point in my life!" Her thoughts erupted from inside her and the child who had been watching her now seemed nervous.

"Don't worry about her. She's not feeling well," Chakotay soothed. Sekaya wasn't convinced judging by the way she played with the hem of her blue dress.

"I need to go find my mommy." She ran off and Chakotay hung his head down in defeat.

"Well, there goes the only person who can see us."

Kathryn put her hands on her hips. "I doubt a six-year-old would be able to help us solve a time travel problem unless they've started teaching temporal mechanics in preschool."

"Maybe…" he shrugged in resignation. "Maybe this is all an illusion or dream like we originally thought. Seeing the future should be impossible right?"

"We still can't shoot ourselves or interact with anything solid. How are we supposed to shatter this… construct?"

"We'll most likely shift. It's probable that we'll become more solid as we do, given what's already happened," Chakotay suggested. "Or we could try focusing our thoughts. If it's a dream we should be able to control it."

Perking up, Kathryn shook a finger at him with a renewed sense of purpose. "That's more like it. We could both concentrate on waking up and maybe that will cause us to leave this state. On the count of three, let's close our eyes and think about waking up." She counted off with her fingers and then closed her eyes. Waking up. She imagined the sensation of opening her eyes after a long rest. She conjured up images of the room with the device and of them getting up.  _Wake up_ , she willed.  _Wake up._

"See, Mommy?" Sekaya interrupted.

She gave Chakotay a deflated look. It had been an absurd notion, but it had been better than nothing. Sekaya was pointing up at them and Kathryn felt even less hopeful at seeing that her mother was puzzled. "I'm sorry Sekaya, I don't see anyone."

"He has a tattoo like Daddy!" the little girl insisted.

Kathryn bent down. "I don't think she can see us."

"But you're right there!" she argued. "She has hair like Aunt Shannon!"

Sekaya's mother gave her daughter a tired look. "I'm sure she does. Now come on, the kids will be opening presents soon! Maybe you should see if your imaginary friends want to come." Her daughter was clearly annoyed by the fact that Kathryn and Chakotay were invisible, but accepted her mother's open hand to head towards the Christmas tree.

"If she can see us, someone else might." Chakotay didn't sound convinced, but at this point, Kathryn wasn't sure they had much choice.

They walked together into the large living room where the children were gathered and much to their chagrin, no one noticed them. There were several children around Sekaya's age and they were all focused on the tree. That the situation was frustrating was an understatement. As she perused the crowd, Kathryn was drawn to a young man in a uniform standing off to the side. He had a tattoo like Chakotay's and judging by the lack of rank he wasn't even commissioned yet. Five hundred years later and her descendants continued to follow in her footsteps. In her father's footsteps.

"Before we get started, I want to take a second to brag on my oldest!" Sekaya's mother announced. "Kolopak completed his first semester at the Academy with perfect grades and has been accepted into the accelerated program."

Rumblings of congratulations poured through the crowd and Kolopak's cheeks reddened a bit although he was quite obviously pleased with himself. His mother went to him and handed him a small package while giving him an affectionate kiss.

"Your grandmother wanted you to have this. It was hers and it was her mother's and her father's and… well it goes back a long time in our family," she explained.

Kolopak tore into the paper and opened the box. He lifted up from the tissue paper a silver pocket watch on a matching chain. Kathryn wished she could get a closer look; it appeared to be a handsome piece. The new cadet seemed surprised to have it.

"Well, that's interesting," Chakotay remarked. Kathryn was about to ask him what that meant exactly when her whole body seized up. She fell to the floor and began to writhe in agony that far surpassed her previous encounter. This was it. There was no way her body could withstand so much and survive. In the background she heard the shrill squeal of a distressed little girl.

***

"Out of phase?" the Doctor repeated, looking over Seven's shoulder at the data scrolling by on the jerry-rigged screen.

"For lack of a better term, yes," Seven confirmed. She brought up a schematic. "The beam originates with the time travel device. Contrary to what we initially believed, the device attempted to send the captain and commander to another time frame."

"Could it try again?"

The former drone faced the EMH. "I am uncertain."

"It's not supposed to do that." The priest's statement caught Seven off guard. She'd forgotten his presence as he had slipped in and out. He'd been attending to the command team with the Doctor's approval although Seven thought many of his actions were unnecessary. She suspected he had guilt over their current predicament, a misplaced emotion, she concluded. He was not at fault. "We can only see the future."

"Your species has a high level of naturally occurring chroniton particles. Is it possible that you were once time travelers?" The former drone tilted her head.

"There are children's stories, but they're just fairy tales," he replied. He paused to dip the cloth in a bowl of oil and he touched it to Chakotay's lips. "The air in here is dry, this will keep them comfortable."

"Perhaps the stories are rooted in truth." The Doctor rounded the console to get the full attention of the alien priest. "If this device is as old as the records indicate, maybe your people didn't just see the future, maybe they visited it."

The priest paused his ministrations. "If we did so, we have long since lost that knowledge."

A klaxon cut through the temple and reverberated off of the ornate walls. Immediately the lights began to cut in and out.

"Doctor, it's happening again."

This time, however, when the captain and commander flickered out, they didn't come back.

***

The room around Kathryn was on the fritz. It reminded her of what happened when there was a power surge on the holodeck with images disappearing and reappearing as something different. Her stomach rolled and her head felt as though it were ready to split and the ever-shifting scene was not helping her in the least.

"Chakotay?" she called out. "Chakotay!"

"I'm here." His answer was quickly followed by a hand on her arm. "What's going on?"

"I don't know."

A click and a mechanical whine made Kathryn jump. Slowly she turned and found herself face to face with a tall woman with black hair and blue eyes.

"You are in a restricted area per Time Fleet safety regulations. Identify yourself."

Kathryn shared a worried glance with Chakotay and held up her hands to indicate she was unarmed. "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship  _Voyager_. We ended up here by accident."

The woman evaluated the pair for an extra second and then lowered her gun. "You're a long way from home, Captain Kathryn Janeway. Follow me."

"Wait," Chakotay protested. "We're on some sort of journey and it seems centered on this location. If we leave…"

"I can get you back to your ship and your time, but you can't stay here. This location is temporally unstable." The woman's tone left little room for argument.

The command team shared a look and did as they were told. They trailed the uniformed woman through what felt like a maze of rubble that flashed in and out. Every so often, Kathryn thought she caught a glimpse of something familiar, a photograph or an object, but then it would be replaced with another item that she couldn't identify. What could have shattered reality to such a violent extent? Being the tactile person she was, she wanted to reach out and touch the walls, as though her presence could somehow unite the location, but she knew it was dangerous enough even if she didn't fully comprehend why. They exited through the back door and Kathryn instinctively reached for Chakotay when her eyes were met with a sight unlike anything she had ever seen. The entire landscape was doing what the house had been. Section of the sky would alternate between stormy and clear and the ground flickered through different seasons. Kathryn gasped when her boots became stuck in a foot of snow.

"What happened?" she breathed out.

The woman stopped. "The Ten Years Temporal War," she answered. She held up a palm-sized scanner. "Looks like this is a good spot."

A white light engulfed the trio and when they rematerialized they were standing in the middle of a large living area with a lit fireplace and a Christmas tree in the corner. Kathryn was perplexed and she made no motion to hide her confusion as she addressed their escort.

"What the hell is going on?"

"I'm Commander Sky Janeway and we've been expecting you," she formally greeted. "But I suspect you're looking for a bit more explanation."

Kathryn nodded. She felt Chakotay take a step towards her as though to reassure her. Once again, his support brought her strength. The kind of strength one would draw from a well-matched lover. A partner. A husband. She banished the thoughts she couldn't allow herself to entertain.

"You're in the year 3376. Unfortunately, I can't teach you advanced temporal mechanics, so you'll have to trust me on this as difficult as that may be. Suffice to say that there exist fixed points in time for each individual. Those points cannot be altered. If an attempt to alter them is made, time will correct itself." Sky grimaced. "I'd draw you a diagram, but it only makes it worse."

"Even if I conceded that there were such things as fixed points, which I've never heard of until today, how does Christmas become one? It's a holiday! There's no reason it should matter anymore than any other day," Kathryn replied, gesticulating towards the tree lit up in the corner.

"Sentient beings are odd creatures." The woman shrugged and reached to undo her ponytail. "It's not just the significant events that shape us; the mundane shapes us too, in smaller, more nuanced ways. Fixed points aren't always decisions, sometimes they're the outcomes. Events set in motion must end up at their logical conclusion."

"So you're telling us that events from our time lead here, a thousand years into our future?" Chakotay summarized, doubt leaking through in his voice. Kathryn was glad to see she wasn't the single skeptic in the room. She didn't believe in fate, although it was troubling that she couldn't account for what was right in front of her.

Sky shook out her hair. "I know how to navigate time, not why it flows the way it does. Either way, you two are supposed to be here and I'm not authorized to return you to your time until later on this evening."

Kathryn wanted to protest and demand that they be taken now. The sound of excited footsteps kept her silent though and a grin broke out on Sky's face. Two young girls, no older than eight and ten came bounding through in socked feet. Behind them was a taller gentleman with light hair, the faintest hint of a forehead ridge, and Chakotay's tattoo above his left brow. He leaned against the doorframe and that's when Kathryn noticed that the house seemed to lack any of the modern technology she would have expected for a residence in the thirty-fourth century.

"This is my husband, Chaac. He's Janeway by blood and I don't think he really believed he was going to get to meet you," Sky introduced. Her husband was fixed on Chakotay, his gaze drawn to the marking that adorned his ancestor's brow.

"Who's this?" the older of the two girls asked, tugging on her mother's hand.

"Why don't you come help me finish up dinner and I'll explain." She ushered her girls out and gave a gentle pat on Chaac's upper arm.

Chakotay was the first to speak. "The tattoo. Do my people… our people, do they still exist?" The hope caught Kathryn off guard and she felt a little foolish that it had. As far as he knew his family was all but dead and his comrades, which included some of his people, were long since fallen.

"A thriving planet. The history is sketchy for me, but some of our family split off and settled a colony on Old Dorvan with others of the tribe that had survived. I was born there, though my parents moved shortly thereafter." Chaac motioned to the set table and indicated that they should sit.

"And the house in Indiana?" Kathryn interjected. "Sky said it was restricted."

"The Ten Years' war. The weaponry used created rips in the space-time continuum. It can be repaired, but it's slow and there's a priority list. A lot of Federation citizens and families were displaced."

Amid the discussion, Sky and their two daughters, Elizabeth and Phoebe, began to bring out the food. Kathryn offered to help, but Sky waved her off. Chaac had spent all day cooking, this was the least she could do since she spent her days gallivanting through time and space. The food was mostly familiar. Some of the spices were unusual and Kathryn thought the mashed potatoes were a bit off. The addition of fish to the table was unusual, but the wine was a welcomed enhancement.

"I'm surprised you've been as forthcoming with information as you have. I would have thought the Temporal Prime Directive would have shut down any of our questions," Kathryn observed.

Sky passed rolls to her husband. "Normally you're right. In fact, standard operating procedure is to quarantine time displaced refugees. We don't even give our names for risk of revealing too much information. Every now and again, very rarely, there's an anomaly. You are an anomaly. This point, fixed in both my present and your distant future, has to occur. The space-time continuum requires your presence here so I have to assume that the laws of temporal physics will sustain themselves."

"It would seem, Kathryn, that you were born in the right century," Chakotay commented with amusement. "You know how you are about paradoxes."

"And time travel," she added with a sigh.

"Are you really our ancestors?" Elizabeth's question cut through the dinner banter.

Chakotay sat up straighter, uncertain as to how to respond. Sky saved him. "Yes sweetheart, they are."

"So does that mean you're married?" Elizabeth followed up, her eyes flitting from Chakotay to Kathryn.

"No, we serve on the same ship," Kathryn answered and she shifted, her muscles tensing in anticipation of the next query.

The girl frowned as though trying to puzzle out how everything pieced together. "So you have kids but are like Aunt River and Uncle Ivan?"

"Lizzy," Chaac warned. "It's time to focus on your dinner."

Kathryn put her napkin on the table. "No, it's all right. I could do with some air though. If you'll excuse me."

Every time jump, every point seemed to be working to conspire against her. She exited to a front room and took a deep breath. The crew idly gossiping was one thing. They respected her authority and she grasped why they would whisper about her relationship with her first officer. It was the stuff of stories. Of ancient legends. Of private fantasies she would never admit to. The loneliness was a burden to bear and one she often wondered if she would survive. Chakotay's willingness to stand with her through everything made it bearable even as he represented the very forbidden fruit she denied herself for the sake of her duty. She groaned and rubbed her forehead.

"Another headache?"

Kathryn turned to find Chakotay standing near a small string of colorful Christmas lights.

"A small one. I'm not sure it ever left. How are you feeling?"

"Okay. Tired," he admitted. Hovering over them was the specter of emotions, unconfessed. "I can see why Christmas was a favorite of yours. The family, the warmth; I'm a little jealous." He shifted on his feet. "You want to talk about what's bothering you?"

"I'll be all right, Chakotay. You can go back to your dinner. I really did need a minute to myself." This was her subtle way of nudging him back from the line she knew he wanted to cross. They were worn down and exhausted and she didn't trust herself.

He tugged on his ear. "I like this future. I like seeing our legacy."

"Chakotay…"

"We have to talk about this at some point. We've just been sent through a thousand years and with what we've seen, how can you deny that?" His voice was even although the undercurrent of passion flared up in his eyes.

"I can't. I don't have that luxury. We could talk about it all night but it wouldn't change the fact that I have a ship thousands of light years from Earth and a crew that I've promised to get home." She threw up her hands. "We don't even know what's happened to us. I can't make my decisions on glimpses of a theoretical future."

"I'd say it was anything but theoretical." He took a step toward her. "Tell me this is impossible, that there's no chance you'd ever create a life with me. I'll let it go."

She shook her head. "This isn't about what I would or wouldn't do, or even about my feelings. This is about duty. This is about my weaknesses."

"I'm trying to understand."

She pivoted away from him, his scrutiny to hot for her to endure. The confessions he was forcing from her were torture, the emotions she was careful not to examine too closely were screaming for attention, and it hurt like hell. "I'm not that strong. Not when it comes to you. What I feel for you is intense and it's visceral. If we were together and if I lost you… I know myself. I know who I am as a person."

Silence fell between them. Kathryn closed her eyes and willed the bile in her throat to settle. It was the most blatant honesty she'd given him in five years with regards to the attraction that simmered between them. He deserved more, she knew he did and she had so very little to give him. Her heart pounded, she pressed her lips together. She had to face him. If she couldn't give him what he merited, she could at least have the decency to let him see the vulnerability he evoked from her. With her chin up, she turned back towards him, and found him studying the floor, searching for words. When he met her eyes, she saw the persistent ache that haunted him.

"I've only ever wanted to lighten your burdens, Kathryn," he replied, his words deliberate and yet broken. "I never meant to become one."

Her cheeks reddened, partly in shame. "You're not a burden. Don't ever think that."

That was it. He wouldn't push, she could feel him retreating as he drew himself up. It broke her heart as surely as it brought her relief. In a twisted way she felt less alone in her sacrifice. Chakotay put his hands behind his back. "What do you say we finish up dinner? I think Sky said something about apple pie for dessert."

Together they went back to the table, which had grown lively in their absence as Elizabeth and Phoebe were animatedly discussing their hopes for the presents under the tree. With the truth out in the open, it was easier to relax at the table as they finished up their meal. Even so, Kathryn refrained from indulging her curiosity too deeply. It was her protection, not to think of home and all that she missed. Chaac had an interest in Chakotay with regards to the spirits of their ancestors and their religion. Their daughters had nonstop questions about what life was like in the Delta Quadrant when it was the frontier.

"Do you really have no way to contact Earth?" Phoebe asked, her eyes wide.

Kathryn put down her fork. "Not really. We have to barter for the necessities, store what we can, make deals to cross territories."

"Is it scary?" Elizabeth had paused mid-bite.

"Sometimes," the captain admitted. She glanced over at Chakotay. "But none of us are alone and that helps us be brave."

Dessert was indeed apple pie and Kathryn hadn't realized how very much she'd missed a good homemade pie until she'd tasted the flaky crust and tart apples. She even helped herself to a second piece. After dessert, Sky pulled out a silver pocket watch from her uniform.

"I saw that in one of our time jumps." Kathryn leaned over to get a better view.

Sky unhooked it and handed it to her. "It's a Janeway heirloom. Chaac got it as a gift when he went to the Academy, but when he decided to go into civilian work, he insisted I carry it."

"It keeps impeccable time," Chaac commented. "No matter where she goes, she always knows what time to be home for dinner."

"Speaking of home…" Sky added, "It's time I returned you to your rightful place in the universe."

Kathryn touched Chakotay's arm and gave a sideways smirk. "I guess there's no time like the present."

***

Her coffee had grown tepid as Kathryn had sat on her sofa, staring out at the stars. She'd had a decent night's sleep and per the Doctor's orders had taken the day off. Not that she had minded all that much. She'd marinated on the experience all day; she'd spent at least an hour composing her captain's log and twice as long for her personal. They still didn't know precisely what had happened and it was unlikely that they ever would. Her mind struggled to wrap itself around the fact that they had disappeared from the present time; it would have been easier if all of it had taken place inside their minds. Instead she was left feeling troubled and uncertain, maybe even the slightest bit afraid. How long could she keep her feelings for Chakotay buried? How much tension could their friendship withstand? If nothing else, the recent events had made her realize how perilous their relationship had become. They used to laugh more.  _She_  used to laugh more.

Idly she rearranged her satin robe as she curled her legs up and balanced her mug on her knees. Her thoughts had drifted to Chakotay more than once. He had reveled in the journey, even as he'd been concerned. Once she had been like that. Once she had felt free enough to throw herself into whatever happened with the willingness to accept the consequences. These days she held her cards close to her chest and she was suspicious of every shadowed corner. She winced as she remembered Kashyk and how well she had played the cat and mouse game. She hadn't thought of herself as a master manipulator. She recalled how quiet Chakotay had been at their first dinner after they had left Devore space.

The chime to her door went off and she set her coffee on the table. "Come in!"

The very man she had been thinking about walked through her door. Chakotay was dressed down, though not so far as she, in simple brown slacks and a white shirt, which reminded her of New Earth. Another memory better left in her private vault.

"You got some rest, I hope?" he inquired. He held a hand behind his back.

"My body, yes, my mind… let's just say it has yet to be silent." Her gaze remained on him as he walked over to her couch and sat down next to her. He revealed a small package, wrapped up in green foil and tied with a silver ribbon. He handed it to her and she tilted her head. "What's this?"

"I know Christmas is technically still a few months away, but given that it would seem that we just celebrated it, I thought perhaps I should give this to you now." He put an arm across the back of the sofa. "I replicated this a while back and was waiting for the right time to give it to you. Open it."

Kathryn complied. Her hands were steady as they undid the packaging even as blood rushed in her ears. Inside was a box and when she removed the lid there was a silver pocket watch. The exact one she had seen in their time jumps.

"It's beautiful," she managed. Her protests were on the tip of her tongue, but she bit them back. She'd rejected him already, she wouldn't be so cruel as to refuse his gift. She already knew that it would be precious to her and she wished she knew how to express such a sentiment given the tenuous situation.

"I know that you aren't ready to deal with everything we saw, but I'm a hopeless optimist. When I saw the watch I couldn't help but think of it as a sign."

She was transfixed on it, and it seemed weightier than it looked. "I can't promise you anything, Chakotay." She put the watch next to her coffee. "I wish I could, but I can't."

"I know." He took her hand. "I'm willing to take the risk for a chance at the future we saw. I'll wait with no promises."

"This is my choice. I would never ask you to do the same."

He refused to relinquish his grip. "And I'm making my choice. I promise I have no expectations."

"There are always expectations," she countered. There was a stinging behind her eyes and she blinked, begging for her tears to remain at bay.

"Let me love you, Kathryn, in whatever way I can. If that means loving you from afar, then so be it, but let me do it."

A tear escaped and slid down her cheek. She saw it now, in a way she hadn't acknowledged before. The cups of coffee, the quiet dinners, the holodeck excursions, all of it was him adoring her, if only she would let him. Perhaps she would make it to the end. She needed him as she always had, from the moment their crews became one.

"Thank you."

Chakotay's hand lingered on hers for another moment before he withdrew. "I should go."

She watched him leave, the room feeling profoundly empty with him gone. Picking up the watch, she curled back up on her sofa and traced the etched design. For a moment, she permitted herself a peek into the part of her mind where she carried her hopes, put on hold by her commitment to fulfill her own vows. She allowed the emotions to wash over her, the warmth cascading down to her toes, and encompassing her.

With a whisper she confessed aloud to no one but herself, "I love you too, Chakotay."

***

Epilogue

The weather on the bay was chilly but the fresh air was divine against Kathryn's skin. She'd spent all day in briefings, slogging through conversation after conversation with the brass as they dissected her journey. With the state of the Federation, post-war, few were willing to call her judgment into question. Her and her crew were symbols of hope, of what Starfleet in its ideal ought to have been, and so where protocol demanded a thorough analysis, politics required a blind eye to bent rules and lapses in character. She'd ended the day with a guarantee that she would be promoted and Admiral Paris had warned her with a wink that she ought to be ready for all the pomp that would come with it. Heroes didn't have private pinning ceremonies. She snorted at the fact that he had actually used the word 'hero'.

"Kathryn!"

Her name on the lips of her first officer -  _former_  first officer - startled her out of her thoughts. Kathryn greeted Chakotay with a broad grin and she entwined her arm with his as soon as he was close enough. The gossip outlets had been broadcasting rumors for years with regards to her relationship with the erstwhile rebel Maquis captain. Up until they'd returned home, it had mostly been blurbs, something to fill space, and they generally corresponded to whenever there was news about  _Voyager_. Of course, the fact that they had been meeting intermittently for dinner since their return had served to fan the flames. Not that Kathryn cared all that much. The tabloids would grow tired of them eventually.

"I should have worn another layer under my uniform," Chakotay commented, giving a slight shiver. "I hope you picked someplace warm to eat."

"No outdoor dining at the local cafe?" she teased. "I may have a place in mind. It's very cozy."

They ambled together, away from headquarters, enjoying each other's company. Ever since  _Voyager_  had docked, the meetings between herself and Chakotay had felt more like the early years when the need to get home was still wrapped up in optimism and not constant disappointment. He covered her hand with his own and she pushed herself closer to him. At least there wasn't much wind.

"So where is this cozy restaurant?" he prodded. "Or are we going to walk around San Francisco until I freeze?"

"It's not that cold." Kathryn nudged him playfully in the ribs. "And it's not a restaurant. It's my mother's house."

He stopped in his tracks. "As in, the Indiana farmhouse you grew up in?"

"The one and the same," she confirmed. She hadn't planned on surprising him. In truth, it had been on her mind since she realized when they would be arriving on Earth. The words, however, had been more difficult to form. She supposed that's what happened when a person left things unsaid for too long. Kathryn met his gaze. "It's Christmas Eve. I asked my mother if we could celebrate, like we used to."

"It seems rather significant, meeting your mother." Chakotay stepped forward and they continued their slow pace. "And that it's Christmas."

"It is significant. We're home now and I'm not carrying an entire ship on my back anymore." She put her head against his shoulder. Perhaps there was more that should be said, but it all sounded irrelevant in her head. There weren't any games to be played; her invitation was clear as to what she meant and how she felt. On  _Voyager_  it had been verboten; here, there were no hidden agendas. She was done keeping him away.

"As I remember it, I'm supposed to look rather handsome by candlelight." Chakotay let out a deep chuckle. "It's not exactly how I would have imagined our first date, though."

Kathryn smiled. "And what did you imagine?"

"Dinner, dancing," he listed and then he leaned down closer to her. "Maybe late night coffee."

"Endure my mother's twenty questions and I can guarantee the late night coffee." She gave him a sly smirk.

"For that, I'd endure the Delta Quadrant twice over."

Quiet and steady, they slipped into the crowd as dusk turned to night. Their footsteps were deliberate and while the air was cool neither was in a hurry. There were no Kazon or Borg or macro viruses to chase them. As far as Kathryn was concerned, they had endless amounts of time to consider the future. For the first time in years, she didn't let herself dwell on what would happen next. It was Christmas, after all, and that meant they were home, together.

 


End file.
